I'll Be Brutal

Get A
Grip

Seriously.

Five questions about your Sundays, your boundaries, your energy, and the life you'd actually live if you stopped performing for everyone else. We read your answers. Then we tell you what you already know but won't say out loud.

£1.99
Cheaper than therapy. Meaner than your inner voice.

Results emailed within 15 mins • For entertainment purposes

Before we start

How brutal do you want this?

We don't do "kind but firm." Pick your level of emotional damage.

Brutal

Direct. Sharp. Funny. Your best friend after wine.

Savage

Finds what you're most insecure about. Goes straight there.

Unhinged

Scorched earth. You'll screenshot it. You might also cry.

Pick one. Indecision is part of the problem.

Question 1 of 5

Walk me through your last Sunday. What did you actually do versus what you wanted to do?

Hour by hour if you can. What happened. What you wished had happened instead. Don't edit it. Don't make it sound better than it was. The gap between reality and the ideal is where the audit lives.

Blank. Just like the Sunday, probably.

Question 2 of 5

What's the one thing you keep putting up with that you know you shouldn't?

The person. The situation. The pattern. Whatever just came into your head — that's the one. Tell us about it. How long it's been going on. Why you haven't done anything about it. Be as detailed as you want. This is the one that matters.

You know exactly what it is. Write it down.

Question 3 of 5

If someone who hasn't seen you in five years met you today, what would surprise them most?

Good or bad. What's changed? What hasn't changed that should have? Don't just say "nothing" — dig. Have you grown? Shrunk? Stayed exactly the same and called it stability? Be honest about the trajectory.

Don't dodge this. It's only five questions.

Question 4 of 5

What do you spend the most energy on that gives you the least back?

Could be a person. A job. A habit. A relationship dynamic. Something that drains you and returns nothing. Tell us what it is, how much of your time it takes, and why you keep doing it anyway.

The drain. Name it.

Question 5 of 5

What would you do differently if you stopped worrying about what everyone else thinks?

The job you'd quit. The person you'd leave. The thing you'd start. The boundary you'd set. The version of your life that actually looks like yours. Don't hold back — this is between you and us.

This is what you're paying for. Use it.

Last thing

Where do we send the damage?

Your results land in your inbox within 15 minutes. Double-check the spelling — we're not chasing you down to roast you.

We need an email. We can't drag you via telepathy. Yet.

£1.99 • Results within 15 minutes • No refunds on the truth • For entertainment purposes